


when you're gone

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Grief, POV Third Person, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Light is dead.Misa isn't sure about much these days, but she's almost certain that Light is dead and gone and never coming back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, this short, 800-word fic is all about Misa being completely fucked in the head after Light died.
> 
> Also, I wrote the last bit of this at 2am so forgive the poor quality (I'll probably go back and edit soon!!).
> 
> Trigger warning for suicide and self-harm. I wouldn't say things get TOO graphic, but the whole story is kinda based around these things.

Light is dead.

Misa isn't sure about much these days, but she's almost certain that Light is dead and gone and never coming back.

Misa remembers how she used to practically worship Kira, and she wonders now how she had been so stupid. Kira wasn't a god; he was just a stupid, _stupid_ serial killer who murdered Light and left Misa all alone.

She glances at the bottles of pills on her bedside table, and for not the first time she considers swallowing them all at once. There's no point in clinging on to life anyway, yet that's exactly what Misa does—she's not sure why.

She supposes that it's the fear that death is even worse than life that keeps her alive. She’s scared on some level that she’ll meet Light and that he won't love her anymore, or that Light will be in Heaven and she'll be in Hell because suicide is a sin but Light is a god so he's up in Heaven where he belongs.

Or maybe she just stays alive because the ridiculous amount of drugs they've got her on are actually doing their job.

Misa sighs and picks back up the blood red pen with her scarred left hand.

 _Light_ , she writes in pretty, cursive letters onto her sore arm, pressing as hard as she can so that the pen stings as it digs into her skin.

She's got his name all over her body; her arms and legs are positively covered in ink, a constant reminder of the dead love of her life. She recently switched out the razor for a pen, but she's been itching to feel the blade on her skin once again.

After an hour or so of scrawling his name onto herself, Misa takes a shower and watches the water turn pink as it mixes with the crimson ink. She supposes that she does this because she finds some sort of stupid symbolic meaning in it—washing him off of her, making him disappear like he already had—but she pretends that she doesn't know why she finds this odd ritual to be therapeutic.

Once she's done with her shower, she doesn't bother to dry off—she just throws on underwear and an oversized t-shirt and lets the back of it get soaked by her dripping hair.

She makes some instant ramen for dinner—she never cooks anymore—and flips through the channels on her television. She finds a station discussing Kira, and she feels sick. Misa skips past it and leaves the TV on some talk show, but still feels nauseous and overwhelmed. The bowl of ramen sits forgotten on the table in front of the couch.

She falls asleep around four in the morning, after hours of staring at the ceiling and attempting not to break down. Her bloodstained pillowcase is wet with tears.

—

She dreams of Light. He hugs her and tells her she's beautiful, tells her that they'll rule together in Heaven as King and Queen. All she has to do, he says, is join him. Swallow all of the pills on her bedside table, or slit her wrists, or hang herself with a noose made out of extension cables. It doesn't matter how, Light claims. As long as she does it and leaves this Hell and sees him again so they can truly meet and they can love each other and rule forever. Tears run down Misa’s face as she nods and tells Light that she understands. Because Light must be right about this, Light is always right and he's never wrong because he is God and he knows all and he only wants what's best for Misa.

“Misa, I love you,” Light whispers in her ear as they embrace right before she wakes up.

—

They find her in the bathtub, wrists slit and pulse weak. She's unconscious as the paramedics load her into the ambulance and rush her to the hospital.

—

Light occupies her dreams once again.

Misa rushes towards him and hugs him for a second before letting go, craving affection but not wanting to annoy him. “Light, I did what you—” she begins to eagerly say. She's cut off by him backhanding her across the face.

The force knocks her backwards onto the floor, and she stays there. She starts to cry as she puts her hand on her cheek, where a bruise is already beginning to form.

“What did I do wrong, Light?” she asks desperately, her voice quivering.

His words are laced with venom. “Everything.”

—

She dies in the hospital two hours later, after a failed blood transfusion. She's awake for the last twenty or so minutes of her life, and she says almost nothing but his name.

“Light!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs in the beginning, begging him to save her.

“Light,” she called weakly after ten or so minutes passed, her throat too raw for her to scream.

“Light,” she whispered hoarsely with her dying breath, tears rolling down her face. “You never loved me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been the biggest fan of Misa, but I do find her to be a quite fascinating character, hence this. I hope I did her justice! Kudos and reviews (being it criticism or praise) are greatly appreciated!!!


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